The Gang's Weird Day
by Lolgasim
Summary: Yup that's right, an update. This story is an attempt at humor where the success is undecided. Has Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Rouge, Amy, Cream, and Shadow.
1. Chapter 1

OK just to let u know, there will be a lot of cursing so leave now if u don't like it. Ok this one starts out with a crazy sonic characters so I'm trying to make it funny and random. emphasis on *dum*.

Just in case I have to do a disclaimer, I own nothing, except food. Here are the ages

Sonic 17

Tails 16

Knuckles 18

Amy 16

Rouge 18

Cream 15

Shadow ?

Omochoa Who gives a crap?

* * *

The sonic gang were chill in with the villain shadow. (Good entry right?)that means Sonic (duh) Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Rouge, Cream (who isn't that innocent. Cause innocent is kinda boring) and shadow. Their current position, Kentucky. Not really, its Tails work shop. Well the crew just walked in to the workshop/house and instantly, Sonic sped over to the TV in the corner of the work shop and gaped at the box next to the TV.

"YOU GOT AN XBOX360! HOLY SHIT!" yelled sonic.

There was a box alright, but it wasn't an xbox 360. It was a cardboard box about the six of a xbox 360, lying flat, with a coat button tapped on it and a hole in the top. It was filled with Tails...crud.

"Um Tail's why is that box filled with crap?" asked Cream.

"Oh, since my toilet doesn't work, I have been using that box. I moved by that TV so i can watch it while I am taking a dump."

"What do you watch?" asked Cream again.

"Potty training channels. I don't know how to use a toilet."

"How did you try using the toilet?"

"I stepped in the water and pulled down the lever."

"Now I think I know how you broke your toilet."

They both looked at Sonic who was staring at the hole in the box with a greedy grin.

"Oh yeah! Chocolate!"

All of a sudden, Omochao (the annoying robot choa that pops up at the beginning of some Sonic games) came flying through the window, hovered above Sonic and spoke in a weird voice.

"To take a crap put your butt over the hole and push." it said in a really weird voice.

"But I don't have to take a crap." wined Sonic.

The robot stopped. Then it started to vibrate and make alarm noises.

"Subject does not need help. Cannot compute!"

BOOM!

The robot exploded, causing the box of poop to fly out through the open window and fall off a cliff. After a few seconds everyone could make out a distant 'plop'.

"That was kinda creepy." Said a shocked Rouge.

"I know. Hay lets go and check out my real X box 360!" chirped Tails.

"Yeah!"

* * *

OK that was the first chapter of randomness. Please review and say some funny things that I should add.

This is the first chapter story I have ever done. So give me a break. And no flames please!


	2. The Weird Plot

**IMPORTANT!! If you want to help make the out come of the story read this! **Ok, I took forever to update this so I updated it. I want to change some things. First, Shadow is 75 (your welcome). Second, I am not going to do heavy "love" things but it will be hinted. I am not going to change the summery thing because I want people to find this. Lastly I need five reviews to update. And if you can think of an idea, tell me it in a review. It will count as a review so don't worry.

Oh yeah: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING except food and money and a computer.

On with the story:

* * *

The gang went into tail's room and there, with all shining light, was the Xbox 360. So Sonic said,

"Oh a Xbox 360! Hey where is the chocolate?"

Cream sighed, "Sonic, you idiot, that chocolate was poop and probably had radiation or something."

Smiling like an idiot, Knuckles said, "Silly rabbit, trix are for kids."

"Dammit."

"Hey knucky." Said rouge in a voice that is to inaproprite for this.

*sigh* "What do you want now bitch?"

"WOPPER JR.!!!!"

"Momy im scared..." said a, well, scared Amy

Knuckles goes out to get a Wopper Jr. and a spatula???, Shadow, Tails, Rouge, and Cream play Cock of Duty on the Xbox. Then out of the blue...drapes came a very pissed off omochoa. He looks at sonic and starts talking in that weird voice agian.

"Subject that did not need help is identified. Must cut subject's balls off and sell them for earrings." He then pulls out a big ass katana and chases Sonic around the room in attempt to cut his balls off.

"Oh! Oh! I want a pair!"

"No you don't Amy now Shadow, help me!!" Says a very very very freaked out Sonic.

Shadow laughs, "Oh Sonic dont get your balls in a twist."

"Oh why would it matter?! I got a #%*ing omochoa ready to cut them off if they get tangled!!" Sonic said sarcasticly.

In the confusion, Tails said to Cream, "Hey, you want to play a game in my room by ourselves?"Cream nodded so they got up and went upstairs to Tail's room.

* * *

Done! Ok if you want another chappy, reveiw. PRONTO!! Oh yeah, if you have a suggestion, tell me in the review. Remember, 5 reviews=next chappy! Sorry this was short, i wrote it in one day. One last thing, my reviews for my self don't count


	3. The Weird Chess Games

I'm back in black! Not really! I'm just back and with a new chapter! Please review. And if you are wondering why I updated, someone paid me. Otherwise, enjoy!

Oh and I don't own shit because if I did, Sonic would break into my house to eat it. I don't own anything except food money and a computer.

* * *

**The Gangs Weird Day**

Chapter 3

So we come back to the weird ass, bizarre, and random scene that was going on with our subjects that we stalk through this story. Sonic, oh poor Sonic, was running for his life/balls from Omochoa's katana of……ball-earring-maker-thingy. Lets see what he has to say about this;

"AW #&%!! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CRAZY DRUGY!! I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!"

Interesting. It seems that he wants to get out of there. Let's let him then. Of course it is going to be in a off topic way.

"Is something driving towards us at 100mph?" asked Amy in an innocent voice. Shadow heard this.

"What?"

CHRASH!! Knuckles comes crashing through the wall of the workshop in a red Camaro that had tricked out bumpers and hydraulics. Loud music was coming from it. As Amy asked, it was going at 100mph. Luckily, the iron wall stopped it from killing everyone. Sonic, seeing his chance and his gift from me (hehehe), ran out the created hole in the wall.

"I'M FREE!!!!! KISS MY BLUE ASS OMOCHOA!!!"

Omochoa of course fallowed in pursuit.

"Subject must not get away. Must pursuit subject until balls are sold." Said Omochoa in his really weird voice.

"Oh! I'll buy them!"

In the distance you could hear Sonic yelling, "Shut up Amy!"

With Sonic gone, the rest of the gang returned to the Xbox. Knuckles took Rouge's place because she was eating a Whopper Jr. She was happy.

"I like eating burgers with spatulas!"

"Shut up Rouge."

Knuckles, Amy, and Shadow continued to play Cock of Duty, Modern Warfuck Dos. Eventually Shadow got board of killing Amy, so he complained.

"Amy, you suck at this."

"No I don't!" said Amy in a whiny voice. "I am winning."

"No you're not. All you have been doing is spinning in a circle while shooting the ground. Sometimes you press the grenade button but then you hold it and the grenade blows up in your hand. You die every 20 seconds usually. You are the-hey where is Tails and Cream?" asked Shadow.

"I don't know. I was gone for like an hour. And why is Sonic being chased by Omochoa and why does he have a katana." said Knuckles.

"I don't care. Go suck on a monkey. Hey Rouge. Where did Tails and Cream go?"

"I think they went upstairs. Let's go see them. They might have drugs."

"Ok"

The four of them got up and went upstairs. When they got to Tail's door, they heard sounds. Sounds that they should not be hearing. The sounds were moans and voices.

"Oh yes, harder Tails!"

"Oh Cream!"

Moans

"[Insert any sexual caption]"

Naturally, the gang was freaked out.

"What the fuck are they doing in there!?" whispered Shadow.

Amy spoke with a scared voice, "I think they are doing………youknowwhat."

"Well they should not be doing that. TAILS, CREAM OPEN UP!" yelled Rouge.

The moans kept on going like an energizer bunny.

Knuckles spoke, "Ok. Shadow, me and you are going to charge down the door. On the count of three: one…..two….three!"

Knuckles and Shadow body checked the door and forced it open. The four of them filled in and saw…..

…Tails and Cream quietly playing chess on the floor.

"Checkmate!"

"Darn it, Cream! This is the third time you won."

Shadow, Knuckles, Amy, and Rouge were shocked. They expected them to be doing hot, heavy, mind-blowing sex. Instead, they are play chess quietly on the floor, making absolutely nothing unusual.

Knuckles was the first to recover. "What they heck are you doing? We thought you guys were having a fuck session with all the noise you are making! What the hell is going on?!"

Tails gave him a weird look. "What are you talking about? We have been up here playing chess for the pass hour. We weren't having sex. Oh and what was that loud noise?"

"Oh that was…um…Knuckles farting. Yeah, he had like a truckload of beans and was saving it all up. It clear now so lets just go downstairs." Said Shadow.

"Ok."

They went downstairs to go back to the god of games systems, Xbox.

"Hey what happened to my wall?!"

* * *

Ok chapter three is up and roling! Want a new chapter? **4 revews = new chapter. **Add comments, ideas and other crap.


	4. The Weird Chess Contest Part 1

Ah its that time of month. I need to update because they posted four reviews. GOOD FOR YOU BITCHES!!! Well here comes a new chapter. RANDOM AS ANAL WALFFLES!!!

I would like to thank Ruby for her idea. Some parts of it I like, some…not so much. You will find out what I will write about. I'll tell you a few things: YOU GUYS ARE HORRIBLE!!! Why do you want Sonic's BALLS chopped off?! It is like, part of a man's pride and dignity, and you guys want it CHOPPED OFF?! You guys are cruel!

I don't own anything but food, money, a computer, and doughnuts. Lots and lots of doughnuts.

On with the weird, epic story!

* * *

After he saw the hole in the wall, Tails got pissed……on. Knuckles had to pee that badly and couldn't hold it in. Rouge got naked……juice. Cream got some weed……killer. Shadow got tenth prestige. And Amy……well Amy got a sandwitch.

"I control the sand because I am a sand-witch!!" cackled the sandwich.

Knuckles, finished pissing on Tails, turned and looked at the sandwich. Everything instantly got a lot weirder (a/n: Is that possible?!). Knuckles farted. He farted soooo epic-ly that it came out like a beam of powerful wind-gas that happen to be blasted over a lit Bunsen burner which turned the beam of fart into a flamethrower. Well this flamethrower scorched Rouges hand, causing her to fling her naked juice. The juice flew through the air and hit Cream's hand, causing her to drop the weed killer and spill it all over the juice. The new chemical solution made from the juice and the weed killer jumped up, formed some weird, purple, humanoid figure that proceeded to walk over to the sand-witch and started to do the square-dance with it. The gang watched, very freaked out and slightly turned on (?). Then when the sand-witch and…thing finished, they of course exploded, right next to the Xbox. Propelled by the force of the random explosion, the Xbox flew out the window over a cliff and joined the…um…chocolate with a faint "Plop". Oh and to make the scene weirder and ironic, the flamethrower of fart made a hole in the wall.

"NO MY XBOX!! I didn't eat for a month to afford that Xbox!!"

Silence came over the gang as they tried to figure out what the hell just happened. Shadow, being the only completely sane person, broke the silence with some words of wonder.

"What the hell just happened?"

Knuckles stated the obvious, "Something weird."

Cream felt scared, "I need weed killer to protect me from drugs!"

Rouge was thirsty, "I want more naked juice."

Tails added some potential profit, "I video-taped it!"

And last but defiantly least, Amy was retarded, "I ate a sponge."

Sonic choose to come into the scene at that exact same time. He entered the room, scared as hell. He was holding a flyer and looked like he lost his balls……oh man I feel horrible for Sonic. Wait a second! I'm writing this! Sonic is going to be after my blood if he finds this out…… Anywho, Sonic announced what Ruby suggested (see reviews).

"Guys Omochoa chopped off my balls!" Gasps from the males and giggles from the females were heard.

"Dude, your dignity dropped dramatically." stated Shadow.

Sonic sighed, "I know, but I know a way to get them back! Omochoa is holding a chess contest with the prize being my balls as earrings. If I win, I can get them back and sew them back on!"

"…….ew." said a grossed out Cream.

"Oh yeah! I can get Sonic's balls! Yippy!!" screamed, you guessed it, Amy.

Cream: "double ew."

Sonic continued, "Guys, you have to help me get my balls back! Each one of us enters the chess contest and tries to win. Who ever wins will get my balls and can give them back to me!"

"What's in it for us?"

"I pay you each 5 dollars."

The gang looked at each other.

"Well we got nothing better to do."

"We do get money for this."

"I pity Sonic loosing his balls."

"Sponges taste funny."

They turned to look a Sonic. "Ok, we will do it.

"Yay!"

With that, they made their way off to where the contest was being held.


	5. The Weird Chess Contest Part 2

No, its not a typo and no the internet did not pull a prank on you. This is an update. Allot has changed since the last update. For a while, I was ashamed of how childish this story was until I reread it. Then I thought it was funny, so I looked at the amount of comments the story had and felt really bad. Man is this due for an update. Now you might notice a change in my writing style. I'm trying to come up with a general plot to push this story along. I don't have enough creativity to just write without a plot. I hope this story is still funny.

Oh and no disclaimer this time because, is Sega really going to sue a fanfic? Hell no they won't.

* * *

So after finding the location of the chess tournament using the power of Knuckles' beer can, the gang headed out in Knuckles' red Camaro. Instead of driving on the road like a normal person, Knuckles decided to aggressively drive directly through ever building in sight. Shadow, being one of the only intelligent people in the group of asylum escapees, decided to comment on Knuckles driving.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Knuckles rolled his eyes, "I'm driving, duh."

, "YOU JUST VERED OFF-ROAD AND STARTED SMASHING YOUR WAY THROUGH OFFICE BUILDINGS!" Shadow yelled while dodging a metal desk.

"Yeah what about it?"

"HOW IS THIS CAR STILL IN TACT?"

"It's got really good tires."

"WHAT THE FUCK? THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTH-"

The red Camaro tore through the walls of the tournament building, killing massive amounts of people. One guy was lucky enough to survive the impact and was trying to crawl out from under the car. Unfortunatly for him, Knuckles decided to use his hydraulics. There was a lot of blood.

When the group got out of the car Tails the gang was surrounded by ninjas. Each ninja was wearing a black outfit and ether had numchucks, katanas or other generic ninja merchandise. Being ninjas, they were unable to be seen even though they would standing in plain sight. Yeah, they are that type of ninjas. The good ones.

Amy glanced around with slight fear on her face. "Is someone watching us?" She was immediately assassinated. Everyone stared in fear. No one in the group could even see or knew about ninjas and still didn't know. Amy, to them, just seemed to randomly die. Shadow was the first one to recover.

"Did Amy just explode with blood?"

"Must be that time of the month."

"No Sonic, it's defiantly not that."

"You don't know."

Knuckles, getting annoyed with the situation, decided to do the first thing that seemed normal to him: hitting Sonic with a frying pan.

"Where did you get a frying pan from?" Cream asked.

Knuckles struck a feminine pose. "A lady always needs to have protection with her at all times."

"Wouldn't you have mace instead?"

"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" Knuckles screamed immediately.

"Damn it."

With that mystery solved, the gang moved on to the registration booth. Since the only people in the gang that probably had any experience with dead bodies were Shadow and Rouge, and they were too lazy to do anything about it, they just left Amy lying there. From there they split up: Knuckles and Rouge went to sign everyone in and Sonic, Tails, Cream, and Shadow went to get everyone a seat. At the booth they signed in and left to join the others. Nothing even slightly out of the ordinary happened. Ah fuck it, all hell broke loose.

"SIR I DEMAND YOUR FINEST BACON!" screamed Knuckles as he banged his fist on the counter. This not only greatly confused the guy working the booth, but also scared the crap out of him since there were _really sharp spikes_ being shoved in his face and being waved around. He peed his pants.

Rouge frowned. "But Knuckles, I thought that you were a vegetarian."

"Rouge, I live on a giant floating rock covered in thick vegetation. What the hell do you think I eat?"

"Um, plants?"

"Plants? Hell no! I eat VODKA. Hard. Core_. Vodka. _And not like your wimpy ass vodka shots. No-oh. I drink GALLON shots. Every morning I get like 2 barrels of vodka next to my favorite sitting spot. I mean, I have no freaking clue where they came from or why they are there but I drink them anyway. And they start to stack up when I'm not around. I drink like 3 gallons of vodka a day. Why do you think I'm so loopy all the time?"

Rouge shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe from a car crash?"

Knuckles blinked in surprise. "A car crash in my Camaro? Woman, can take out a tank with that thing." He laughed, "Ah, my vacation to Iraq and Egypt was a lot fun. Maybe I should go back one day."

At this time the man working the booth gathered his courage to get the wack-jobs' attention. "Uh-um would you guys l-like to sign up for the c-competition?" he said in a shaky voice. "I-it's only a dollar to compete. Winner gets some poor guys balls."

Rouge being the more intelligent one decided to deal with the tickets while Knuckles when frolicking.

_With the others_

The rest of the gang was seated around the tournament area watching two contestants going against each other in chess. The chess board was a life size board so that everyone can watch the game even from a distance. The two contestants were on each side of the field yelling out commands. The Chess pieces were voice controlled for the sake of convenience.

"Bishop, I choose you!" yelled an Asian boy with a hat with a ball on it. "Use Tackle!" The bishop started sliding towards the opponents pawn.

Tails started to catch the idea, "I feel a gay reference coming up."

The Asian girl on the other side of the field saw the piece moving towards her pawn. She reacted immediately. "Quick Pawn use harden!" The pawn just sat there. "Damn it, didn't work. Pawn use explosion!" The pawn violently exploded, blowing the two reality-confused people back and each out a window. Somehow, a faint water "plop" could be heard even though they were in the middle of a city.

Amy came out of nowhere, "ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE!"

"Amy! I thought you were dead!" Screamed Shadow

She shrugged. "I got better."

"What? That doesn't even make any-"

Shadow was cut off by Rouge's yelling. "KNUCKLES USE BODY SLAM!" Knuckles came flying in and body slammed shadow very hard. Shadow went flying into the railing surrounding the chess field bending it.

Shadow sat up holding his head, "Why the hell did you do that!"

Rouge walked in holding the tickets. "Eh, shits and giggles."

Through divine intervention, Sonic realized that the author needed to use him. "Amy used Existing!" Amy just stood there. Knuckles looked over and noticed Amy. "Knuckles became confused!" Shadow face-palmed. "Shadow hurt himself in the confusion!"

"WILL THE CONTESTANTS SONIC AND GENERIC GUY #1 PLEASE COME TO THE FIELD ENTRANCE"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and started to look up and find where the speaker was placed.

"Wait, where is the speaker that said that?" asked Cream.

"I don't know." said Tails fearfully, "It just seemed to come out of the ceiling.

"Well it doesn't matter," Said Shadow "Sonic get over there so you can win your balls back."

"OK!" Sonic sped away in Knuckles Camaro.

Knuckles was slightly pissed and slightly confused. "Wait, but I have the car keys right here…" He jingled the keys.

Tails shrugged, "Maybe he hot-wired it?"

Shadow laughed, "Sonic knows as much about working a car as much Rouge knows how to order a drink at Burger King without accidently killing everyone in the building."

Rouge laughed evilly, "He he he, that was a fun day."

* * *

Ah so updates will be a bit more frequent. The real reason is because I am usually board during class, so I decide to write instead. Also 5 comments = new chapter. I need a total of 25 comments for a new chapter. I like reading comments, its good entertainment and motivation.


	6. A Chess Game of Unfortunate Events

Ok I really need to update more. To my credit I did start this chapter immediately after i updated chapter 5 but I hit a HUGE writers block right after Sonic got on the field. I just did know what to write. Obviously I wasn't going to write about a normal chess game so just stopped writing and waited till something came to me. Well, you saw how that went so I'm going to try other methods like cliff diving or kicking small children. IDK whatever works. So anyway, enjoy this long overdue chapter of this piece of...well just enjoy the chapter.

* * *

When Sonic reached the entranced he stop running to talk the man working. Unfortunately, since in this story Sonic is a "special persion", he had issues stopping without causalities. Many died. Others were more unfortunate.

"NO! MY BALLS! !" cried an unlucky man who happened to be near by, "

Omocho came in from nowhere and swooped down, grabbed the detached testicles and threw them in a bag of ice. "Acquired more testicles. Total amount: 12. More prizes to add to the contest." It stated in its signature monotone voice. Then it flew off to parts unknown.

The two guys working the entrance to the chess field saw this happen and were stunned, "Did the guy who hired us just flew out of vent and then into a furnace? Forget that, why do we even have a furnace? This is a chess tournament for God's sake! This place is retarded." said one of the guys to the other.

The other guy just smiled. "Dude I am so high right now I don't even know what I'm doing."

"Um, you're cooking your kidney on a spit over a fire."

The other guy looked at his kidney. "Ah, so that's where it went."

Sonic, having finally stopped wounding people while slowing down, came over to the two men. "Hey is this where I sign in for the tournament? I really need my balls back."

"Yeah we were just about to call you over. How did you know to come?" said the sober one.

"Wait, didn't you just call me over the speaker?" Sonic said confused.

"Pffff, heck no. That was just the author talking."

"Wait what?"

"You heard me. Now get in there, Generic Guy #1 is already on the field." The employee pushed him into the chess field arena and joined his co-worker. He sighed, "We needs names."

"I know! How about Fork Boy and Spoon Girl!"

"One, no. Two, nether one of us are a girl."

"Ok you'll be the girl. I'm more manly."

"No you're not. In fact, I'm more alive than you. You still don't have a kidney. How are you still living?"

"I dunno but the hole in my side is serving as a perfect place to put my car keys." The high guy put his keys in the hole in his body and jiggle them.

The sober guy was scared, "Wait you drive?"

The guy smiled, "Yeah scary right? Thank god everyone in this country is an idiot or I might actually get arrested."

Now to build a visual for the arena, think of a Hockey stadium without ice and warmer colors. Where the ice would be, there is solid floor. The chess board is black and red checkered but the chess pieces are white and black. There are at least twice the amount seats then what would be in a normal hockey stadium. Unfortunately, there isn't a screen surrounding the perimeter.

Sonic walked in and noticed how nearly all of the seats are filled. "What the hell? How did all these people get here? I left the rest of them like 2 minutes ago!"

The rest of the gang was wondering the same thing. "Wait, when did these people get here?" Screamed Shadow.

"I think they just fell out of the ceiling!" Cream exclaimed.

Tails laughed, "Cream, thats immpossib-" A fat guy landed on him, sitting on tails. "Whoops, forgot my notchos." He said while eating a chip. He got up and walked away to find his seat.

A few minutes later, the gang started to notice something was missing.

Cream looked around. "Hey where did Tails go?"

_In the fat man's ass:_

"FUCK!"

_Back with the others:_

"Ah whatever", Rouge said. "He'll come around soon enough. Lets watch Sonic screw up."

And screwing up Sonic was doing (me writing sucks me dumb). Having an I.Q. equal to that of a squirrel (I'm being generous), Sonic had no idea how to play chess. Then he remembered a Harry Potter movie. "Knight to D1!" The knight (the horse) floated up and slammed down on the other guy's pawn. This move was completely illegal since the pawn moved like 15 spaces in the wrong direction.

The guy, who actually had a functional brain, was enraged to see this happen. "WHAT THE FUCK! That's not even legal! Ref do something about it!"

The ref just looked at the guy and shrugged. "Actually that was perfectly legal according to the rule book, which is by the way is just a picture of a plane on a napkin. Why the hell did you give this to me?" he said to his drunk co-worker standing next to his seat.

"With me being drunk how dysfunctional do you think we are?" the drunk guy stated, "It like our group is runned by a group of morons or something." he waved his arms around.

The ref sighed, "Yeah, I blame this on the author. He must be a total asshole or something." He was immediately struck by lightning. "WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE INDOORS!"

* * *

Sooooo you know the drill, REVIEW LIKE SOMEONE HAS A GUN TO YOU FACE AND IS THREATENING YOU WITH STALE STICK OF DEODORANT. Oh yeah try suggesting things, I promise it will speed up the updating process by keeping me from writer's block. Right now I am having trouble with coming up with funny ways the gang members are going to play their chess games. I got Shadow down already but not anyone else. Help me out and suggest. Chances are I will use your suggestion.


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